Back once again it is I, the one and only Sancho, the lover of other's wives and purveyor of all frivolities. Last time around in our column we spoke of how to ease the pains of your significant other's bitching and complaining while making them feel loved and honored, how to regain the attention of your man or woman, and we answered the age-old question, "what do I buy them for their birthday to not get myself killed or laughed at?" Sancho's back to give you more of that same brutal honesty.
Our first question comes to us via our website from "Myspace Freak" out of Florida:
Sancho, I met a guy at the beach and we hit it off instantly. The sex is great and we have been sleeping together all summer. But now, I have to return back to California para escuela. How do I tell him that I don't actually live in Florida and how do I break it off without losing a friend or gaining a stalker?
First off, let's just address the fact that you will for sure gain either an enemy or a lovesick stalker out of this. After all, you've been taking his "gift" of sorts all summer and now that you decide it's over, it should end. Did you even discuss the booty call factor at first or did you just accept the free drinks, food and fun in the sack? Is he that much of a sucker that he didn't see it coming? My advice for this one is to just bail back to L.A. and listen periodically to the crazy ass messages that you're for sure going to get on your voice mail and act as if nothing happened, even though you know what you did last summer.
Our next one came to us from "Chevy Ridin' High" of Houston, Texas:
Sancho, My man went away for the summer and came back with a rash on his ass. I asked what it was from and he said that one night the guys got drunk and poured glue down his pants while he slept. In the shower the next day he rubbed himself raw removing his underwear. Could this be true at all?
Mami, I have loads and loads of jokes that I could use here to explain what really happened, but let's just say that it sounds like he likes franks and mustard more than tacos y Tapatio, ya dig? I would have to say your dating either a young boy or a really childish man. Regardless of what he is, get the hell away from him. It may not be a rash at all. It might be herpes or, worse, swamp ass. Run now before it rubs off on you.